I don’t consider myself as being odd but these past few days, I’ve felt amazingly normal.
Yes, there was a point at the weekend when I could have crossdressed, decided that I wasn’t going to bother, having distracted myself with something else then having done it, reached the ‘oh, what the hell, why not’ conclusion and pulled on the usual black spider basque, black stockings, a black lacy thong and a pair of heels.
But within minutes, I decided that experimenting and changing outfits a lot was quite appealing for a few minutes. I set myself a tolerance time by which the house would have more folk in it than just me and set to work.
The reason for the indecision as to whether or not was due to net browsing and curiosity over breast forms, prices for which can be very reasonable indeed or very expensive and for good reason. But they’re not for me, on a number of levels I won’t go into now, which makes the ridiculous dabbling with ‘flesh coloured’ (nothing like!) water-filled balloons all the more ridiculous. Still, it was, I thought, a light hearted bit of fun but this time, less water!
In all honesty, it didn’t really go very well or look right and I spent more time trying to make them look and sit right than enjoy the experience.
Then I decided I was done. Away everything went and there it has stayed since early on in the weekend – and that’s despite what I would’ve previously identified as ‘golden’ opportunities to don the gear once more.
Visual stimuli, girls in their summer clothes, even the usual abhorred cross-dressing or transsexual references on the telly had no emotive effect on me and haven’t this past few days.
So what’s this about? Let’s examine a few things. Am I bored with the same old selection of possible outfits? I suppose I might be. I did consider when there might be an opportunity to go shopping but that too is not really of appeal at this point in time.
Is it that the more my body hair grows back in between sessions to remove it that I feel less ‘ready’ and look not so tidy to look quite right when dressed?
Historically, it IS a factor but not an absolute decider.
No. Right now, crossdressing doesn’t really appeal to me. The fact that I’ve had an abundance of opportunity to be easily able to do so but haven’t is, right now, quite surprising.
I am, however, acutely aware that there are sudden triggers and an uncontrollable urge that can hit me hard when something in my head puts itself together and, weak though it might sound, there seems to be nothing I can do about it. But that’s not now.
So what’s this I’m going through now? Normality? Conforming to type – stereotype if you like?
The only real urge to immerse myself in the world of crossdressing is to write a blog and that – perhaps as some form of the therapy to ‘recover’ and/or ‘stop’ – was really why I started blogging in the first place.
I’m still coming to terms with everything that ‘isn’t’ going off at the moment but at the same time, strangely enjoying the moment too. The devil on one shoulder appears to have been well and truly stifled by the angel on the other shoulder. Good for you girl. Let’s see how long it lasts.
The recovering crossdresser? After three days, at the moment, so it seems.