I’ve already blogged about having been browsing the world of crossdressers in lingerie on line over recent weeks and though the smart phone finger will casually whizz past lots of stuff, what did catch my eye was a very delightful pink lace set including stockings (worn very well – as it happened but not as well as on me of course!).

My eyes hung on the image which, to be fair, was probably burnt on to my retina, such was the interest and lingering viewing.

Immediately, as if nothing else mattered (when it clearly did!) I set about a smart Web search for something akin to it.

Having found something to satisfy my craving, there remained a massive hurdle – delivery. As I’ve blogged before, gone are the days of being able to guarantee delivery to my home address at a time I’d be able to secretly intercept it. Post in my part of the World just doesn’t work that way these days.

However, Amazon suggested I could have it delivered to a Post Office. ‘Result’ I thought and duly followed the check out procedure. There was another problem. The vendor (a foreign one) wasn’t part of the scheme.

Then I considered a point on the way to work where folk can pick up post from an unmanned public locker facility. Having worked out that this was not Amazon but another company, I was foiled again on discovering that the high street traders who were part of that scheme included a select few sellers of lingerie and what was sold wasn’t what I wanted and came at a price.   Eventually, I decided that it wasn’t going to work and the visual stimuli seen on line would have to remain just that.  Other options and searches to remain discreet also seemed to prove to be futile and unviable.

So that was that – until this week.

The daily grind took me once more into my local shop which, these days, can be all things to all people offering things such as DVD rental and postal collection and despatch.

One morning this week I’d witnessed someone going through the motions of either receiving or returning and having grabbed my paper, also reached for some literature on the service on offer.

Again,  a multitude of reputable sellers were found to be connected as was Amazon but again, the set I’d seen before did not offer options to go to collect at my local shop. However – others seemed to.

Having browsed the companies who are part of the system I very quickly worked out that there was something else of appeal on their website.

But whilst the option to collect from my shop was not an option, there was an option to have delivery to a Post Office on the way to work and in a matter of days time.

I was almost beside myself and took a very brave decision to register on the adult site and complete the sale.  The confirmation email was subsequently bumped to an address for my alter ego to continue what some would call the deceit, and what others might consider as the battle between denial and acceptance of a recovering crossdresser.

So – a little pink number will soon be the property of my alter ego. Yet here I am still somehow immersed in the disinterested thoughts and feelings of the past few days.

There is guilt and bewilderment with what has happened today yet an odd sense of wanting to see whether this is part of a route of recovery or falling off the wagon – or just more denial.

I have checked the confirmation email a few times for some bizarre reason – as if I never did it – but the inbox tells me I did it and that little pink number is on the way.

The day of collection and opportunities then available should make for an interesting but somehow nervy and adrenaline sapping few days.

The recovering crossdresser? Not quite.

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