So, that disinterested mood has been continuing since last week but I’m somewhat doubtful that it will be the same tonight as there’s a fluttering in my stomach. More on that later.
Meanwhile, browsing the net on a smart phone brings with it a multitude of obligations for a closeted or recovering crossdresser. The most important job of all is to clear all related searches from all apps and menus from social networking to browsers to app stores.
A blog comment had rather interestingly pointed me to a particular book about a young son who was, essentially outed by a new neighbour. I began searching one day and found it to be an e-book.
Having been drawn in by the opening chapter available as a sample but finding it impractical to download anywhere, I ignored it.
However, my search had also taken me to an app store and fruitless though it was for the book in question, I did find some other interesting free reads using a key word of ‘crossdressing’.
Picture the scene then at the weekend whilst out visiting friends with my wife whilst discussing apps and casually browsed for that same app store site for the app under discussion.
What came up in the browser filled me with horror with my partner sat alongside. Crossdressing as a previously browsed search result.
Luckily for me, the conversation was flowing and she didn’t see anything but that was another valuable lesson learnt about a rarely used app. These smart phones really are smart! Too smart in some instances! The history was very quickly deleted as I pieced together another part of the procedure to avoid being outed which wouldn’t be good at all.
No harm done then and call it a lucky escape if you like. Lesson learned.
And so to today. That little pink number recently blogged about was waiting for me but during a break in the daily grind today I perused the same site from which it had been purchased for a reminder (as if I needed one) of what I had in store.
But with a search criteria set as ‘pink lace’ came a voyage of discovery – that very site also sells lacy lingerie for men from lacy boxer shorts to body hugging slips. I saw this as an acceptance by society that men CAN wear sexy soft and sensuous lingerie that is for men.
I did select those pink lacy boxers but then decided that legitimately buying some to entertain the wife was probably a step too far that might well have set some cogs turning that don’t need oiling – so to speak.
The purchase was abandoned but the seed was sown. How nice it is to know – as plain as the nose on my face – that there IS a market for it and, although I know clearly, I am somehow further reassured that I am not abnormal in my urges. Only I like actual ladies lingerie. As I’ve blogged before, it somehow seems like the crossdressing equivalent of playing truant but my eyes have been opened to it. Lingerie for men. I’ve seen it before, I’ve read about it before and I’ve even posted on a site which vends male lingerie yet somehow, the site perused today seems so much more closer to home.
Anyway, what a delightful evening. Awaiting me on the journey home at the midway Post Office was a parcel for me but with contents for my alter ego.
In the car, I didn’t need to know what was inside – I knew, yet the excitement that lay ahead needed a starter, and having sneaked a peek inside, fought my way through the peak time traffic and hurriedly unpacked and dressed in what is a tight fitting but gloriously gorgeous feeling pink lacy body with thick wide suspender straps which mirrored the packaging, connecting with black lacy top stockings.
I had to show off the new outfit and duly did so to much positive feedback. But the sight of me in something new and unseen before has left me positively glowing with joy.
With my partner due home within the hour, the control I applied and have shown in recent weeks (apps aside) shone through as I took what turned out to be a very wise decision to return to civvies in good time.
This was a wise move for a few reasons. Firstly, having not ‘stashed an actual outfit’ for a while, I needed to find somewhere to hide it. Mission accomplished.
I’ll be honest – it is a one-size outfit in a size 14 but given the outlay, luckily, it fits. Snugly. But gloriously.
However, a snug fit led to tell-tale lines on my slightly hirsute body. This was another valuable learning curve as those lines took a while to disappear as my skin elasticity was set free to find its natural form with the circumstances of the evening not requiring any form of disrobing by light.
The PJs have done their job and as I sit here blogging, am focused on a quick return to that same outfit early tomorrow morning, for now carefully folded and hidden, but where Gerry Lynn knows where it is. Work tomorrow? Yes but Gerry Lynn needs to be in the pink once more.
The recovering crossdresser? Not right now. And right now – I quite like it. But this is no time for complacency and that remains blatantly at the front of my mindset.