Temptation is a strange thing. Left unchallenged it can unleash a fierce grip which is not released until the reasoning has passed.
Temptation and the thrills that crossdressing offers to the fetishist or addict can come at a price – something that can be said of any addict to anything.
Some simply can’t help themselves and are head long involved whilst others dabble and indulge but with a partial mindset to stop, knowing that they should, maybe even wanting to yet falling into the clutches of their fetish or addiction once more.
There you go – that’s my thoughts anyway. But putting the ‘what’s the harm in it?’ line in the spotlight very clearly here, there is another side to the ‘so long as no one is getting hurt’ line.
If the obsession is such that conscience is regularly pricked, if there are very clear signs that things and people are being neglected, then surely something is wrong.
I’ve frequently been very aware of all the things I could be doing other than crossdressing yet fall headlong into another session as Jekyll fights Hyde, David fights Goliath.
Feelings of resentment for ‘it’ are there for a reason otherwise I wouldn’t care. Note the swinging nature of this blog – going from one extreme to the other.
That can’t be right. However much I might enjoy the moment, it’s the moments afterwards that cause me an increasing amount of anguish nowadays whereas before, it bothered me but not half as much as it does now. ‘Resonating’ is the word.
So what now? Yes – I know there’s the little matter of the new pink outfit I’ve been so enthused about and have taken such immediate joy.
But perhaps the immediacy of its availability offers me something tangible to ignore. Ignore it I feel I must. There are clouds looming overhead, more concerns than there were, more conscience than there was, important things and important people are being neglected so something has to change.
I can apply willpower as I have done elsewhere in life so if I can do it there, I can do it with this. No one ever said it was going to be easy but thinking about it, I stopped crossdressing before. I must do so again for all of the right reasons.
The recovering crossdresser? Only time will tell.
And so back to Day 1.